I’m a liberated empty-nester

The first one to leave the nest was the hardest. I had spent a solid 18 years, through thick and thin, boyfriends and breakups, homework and exams, sports and down time, laughter and activities, adding “tools” to her proverbial “toolbox” at every possible teaching moment. I attempted to add new perspectives as often as possible, so that she’d be prepared and ready the day she left to go off to college. She was ready. I wasn’t. It may have gotten a little easier with each consequential college send off because I knew what to expect, but with each chick leaving the nest, I was closer to a new identity; one as my own person again.

A house full of three kids that had been loud and busy became hollow and quiet- although it did stay cleaner. The laundry was considerably less and grocery shopping went from 5 trips back and forth to the car to, one bag of “what do I feel like tonight?” “What am I going to do with my free time” became a regular question. Yet, I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about filling my new found empty time because, 1) I simply didn’t know where to start and 2) what if… I actually liked the freedom? (Am I a bad person if I don’t feel guilty about liking the quiet?)

With this new found parental freedom I feared that I would be judged as “selfish” for actually doing things on my own and not being available at the drop of a hat? Breaks from college were rough; anticipating the return of the prodigal child only to have them want to visit friends and only use the house as a landing pad. And, maybe a little of that, “I'm an adult now” attitude that stings a little mixed in as they find the balance of needing mom and maintaining that level of freedom they have away from home. What they don’t realize is that you may equally desire a piece of that freedom. There’s no guide book on how one exactly eases gracefully into empty-nester-hood. It’s tumultuous. So, how are we supposed to do it?

This is how: First and foremost, by remembering that in order to be the great parent you were for all of those years, you had to first be a pretty damn great person. You lead by example. You believed that you deserved to have your own happy life and understood that sometimes that meant setting boundaries, prioritizing and saying “No” or “Maybe later”. You lived well: ate well, slept well (as possible) and exercised. Just because you don’t have minions following you every day, doesn’t mean that you aren’t setting an example! So now, its time to grab hold of that long lost, smart-ass fire-cracker or the relaxed chill zen master you were and reignite her flame! Now is your time to be unapologetically you and honor who you are finally ready to be. And, if you are anything like me you will continue that mantra that you lived by for those years as a full time parent: “If you don’t know the answer, wing it, smile and press on!”

Are you looking to find your long lost fire-cracker self?