I’m a mother… (And a Lovey)

of three beautiful children; two daughters and a son. My oldest daughter has blessed me with 2 grandchildren, a girl and a boy who refer to me as Lovey. (a name I affectionately called them growing up.)

These three cheeky-monkies are my prized possessions and yet now, all grown up, I know that they were not really ever my possessions at all. We just sort of borrow or rent them, don’t we? We do our best to love them, shape them, and keep them safe as we hope they are the kind, compassionate humans that make the world a better place. I think I did well. All three are fiercely independent, thriving, and happy. As adults it is easy to see that they really love each other and actually choose to spend time with each other, which is a gift without measure!

That said, raising my children, (both with and without a spouse) is undoubtedly both the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Seriously, my heart swells when I think about how fun they are and how they are all so thoughtful and kind. But parenting is challenging and with the social schedules of all three combined, I always prayed that I was remembering to add the proverbial tools to their ever growing toolbox of life.

On a daily basis I thought about whether or not I was doing, supporting, feeding, encouraging or saying the right things. I.e.: Fruit roll ups kinda count as fruit in a pinch, right? Or, does encouraging the relationship that one child has with THREE imaginary friends, (Co-Co, Rosie and Cement) put him at an advantage or DISadvantage compared to his sister who only had ONE (DoBots)? I’ve heard that imaginary friends are a sign of genius… so where does that leave the one who DIDN’T have any- is it wrong that we didn’t introduce her to Cement? In retrospect, there was always something crazy to obsess over.

Then there was the typical day in the life of me: Crazy schedules, extra-curricular activities, eating on the run, hormones (theirs AND mine!), testing boundaries for more independence (“Can I stay out after school?”) but not wanting to earn it (“Why do I have to help with the house cleaning?”), curfews, grocery shopping (with toddlers or hungry kids? Shoot me!), and did I mention hormones? And in the middle of raising them, I decided to throw in a lively divorce, a new house, dating (nightmare!), a new relationship and illness just in case the day-to-day stuff wasn’t enough to handle. It’s always something.

It’s all a blur now as all three children moved out, creating their own lives and are flourishing in their talents and careers. I have since moved and remarried and the homes where I raised them are a beautiful part of history. I still miss the laughter that filled the halls when they were all under my roof.

I share this because, if you resonate with any of the craziness of parenting in this modern day and age, I want you to know that I get it. As parents, we worry. We hold onto (and cringe!) at the terrible parenting decisions we made during tough times, or times where we didn’t know better, then we hold ourselves hostage. Those events and beliefs shape our lives going forward. It is important for YOU to be able to identify and release those patterns that are not serving you now. We all have them. Well, everyone except Co-Co and Cement.