What is a Death Café?
It is a place where people go to talk about death, dying, and loss
How did they come to be?
The death Café concept originated with a sociologist and ethnologist, Bernard Crettaz. After his wife’s passing he set up Café Mortel, a place for people to gather to talk about death, dying, and loss. This concept was picked up by Jon Underwood of the UK who was studying Mr. Crettaz’s work, and his mother, Sue Barsky Reid. Together Jon and Sue started a Death Café in London in 2011. In 2012, Lizzy Miles, from Columbus, Ohio, brought the first Death Café to the United States. They continue to spread over Europe, North America, and Australia and there are ~21,821 with Death Cafes in 93 countries (since 2011).
Tell Me More About These Gatherings.
There are a few qualifying aspects for these gatherings according to deathcafe.com. A Death Café is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives, or themes. “Group directed” means that the conversation and topics are led at the will of the group and a facilitator (me in this case!) keeps the conversations going and ensures that all people are able to speak. No one in the room is there to push an agenda or viewpoint. And to be clear, it is not a grief support or counseling session. (If you are looking for more specific information on any particular death, dying, grief or loss topic, please talk to me separately)
The Goal of the Gathering
The website states that the object is “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.”
I honor that goal. However, I would dare to add that part of the reason of holding an intentional group is so that these discussions can be encouraged by being held in a safe space. I would personally love to see people drop the persona that talking about death is “morbid” or the mere mention of death will jinx you and make it happen. Wouldn’t it be great if topics around death became natural and matter-of-fact? And people could be less scared and more empowered? And perhaps, dying gracefully could be the final gift you give to your family.
Who leads these sessions?
I (Tracy Matteson Radack) am a Deathwalker. Simply stated, a deathwalker is someone who feels a deep connection and is at ease talking about, supporting, and being around death, dying, grief and loss. (Some examples of people with a death walker archetype are hospice workers & volunteers, death doulas, funeral directors, and Sacred Death Care Guides.) I am also a Registered Nurse and has worked as a hospice nurse, as well as recently becoming certified as a Sacred Death Care Guide in March of 2025.
Even though these groups are not meant to offer guidance, counseling, or offer specific topics, the topic of death and dying is not new to me and I am therefore comfortable facilitating such conversations. They are so important and deserve reverence and someone who can comfortably hold space for them. I have volunteered to do just that.
Who should go/would benefit?
There are really only two reasons that “qualify” you to attend.
One day, you are going to die.
You have a curiosity, need, or desire to talk (or just listen) about death and dying in a safe space.
Are there any rules?
Not really. They are more guidelines.
Listen when others are talking. As a common courtesy, we ask that you allow a person to talk without interruption unless they are asking and looking for input. Talking while others are sharing/talking makes it difficult to hear and to absorb what is being said by the speaker.
Respect the viewpoints of others. We may not all have the same viewpoints, but we are here to openly discuss our thoughts about death and dying. And a lot can be learned when you hear things from a different perspective. It often provides very deep food for thought.
Confidentiality. The conversations that we have are being shared in a safe space. To remain safe, we want to ensure that stories are not repeated in a manner that would convey gossip or disrespect. Therefore we ask that the conversations discussed are not shared in a malicious way and names are not mentioned without permission.
Is there anything else I should know?
Three things:
There will be an opportunity to provide feedback at the end of each session via a written evaluation form. As this local group is new, please help by providing constructive ways to improve the time we spend together.
There will be a record taken of the topics discussed. No names will be mentioned, just the things discusses at each meeting.
And most importantly: There will be cake! This is a little weird, but there is actually a “requirement” that to stay true to the original death café protocol, that cake of some sort will be served! (who doesn’t love a little cake?!) We will also have coffee, water, and tea available.
If you have further questions please text me at 603-833-1255 or to send an email, click here.